


New York

by IWrtBksNtTrgds (orphan_account)



Series: Wattpad Fics (That totally suck. Don't read them) [5]
Category: Bandom, Ed Sheeran - Fandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M, Schizophrenia, This is shit okay, but it's somewhat mentioned as part of Patrick's trauma, idk - Freeform, past trauma, there isn't any graphic rape, this is a fucked up book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/IWrtBksNtTrgds
Summary: "And I just kissed you, Darling, I hope you weren't alarmed.It's just the startOf everything you wantA new loveIn New York."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, please don't read this. This is something off of my wattpad, and it's just a piece of shit so like. Unless you're looking for a shit book, I would suggest you don't read this. Or anything else in the wattpad fic series. Thanks.

_"E-Ed, I need you right now. I-I can't stop thinking and I just, please..."_

_"I'll be right over, Trick."_


	2. Chapter 2

_Ed._

_It's been a week since you took me away from my room with a hush and told me it would be okay. I was crying and screaming and my wrists were blossoming with red and I thought I was drowning in my own tears. Then again, I think that a lot nowadays._

_I'm not sure why I'm writing this, maybe because no matter how hard I try, I just can't bring myself to call you again, maybe because no matter how hard I try, I still hear all those voices in my head about how pathetic I am and I just can't find the will to pick up the goddamned phone._

_I'm sorry. I really am. You tell me not to say that but I can't help to feel like I annoyed you that night. I'm not worth a minute of your time, you're so amazing. And I? I'm nothing, honestly._

_I miss you, though. I really want to call you._

_-Patrick_


	3. Chapter 3

_Ed,_

_I can feel your skin on mine, I can feel you laughing in my ear and singing the lyrics of The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring in my ear (I looked it up, that was the name of the song) and I can hear Drive by Incubus playing not long after. My head is on your chest, your heart is pounding in my ears. You're so soft, so gentle, and it's 3AM and the taxi cab is driving down the road so slow. I am tired, Ed. I am so tired. And you're so wide awake and I'm afraid that if we split too far off, we may never find each other again._

_It's been a day since I wrote that last letter. I put it in a box and hid it away. I might give these to you someday. I'm not sure yet._

_You still haven't called. I'm still shaking and terrified._

_Where are you?_

_-Trick_


	4. Chapter 4

_Ed,_

_You're so far away right now. It's been two weeks since the car ride. I can't function right. I'm breaking again._

_I can't remember the last time I ate. And the shadows on the walls are going to kill me if I don't kill myself first. I need you here._ **_They_ ** _are coming back. I don't know I'm so lost, Ed. I'm so lost and I'm losing you and I'm losing myself and I keep crying and I don't know why you don't care all of a sudden. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?_

_Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed._

_-t_


	5. Chapter 5

_Ed,_

_You finally called. You got worried after two and a half weeks. You said you were busy and you were sorry you couldn't call earlier. I know it's a lie though. You just didn't want to deal with me. And that's okay. Neither would I._

_You keep talking about how you want to take me out to see the stars or something cheesy. I don't know. I miss you. I want to do it.  You asked if I was doing okay. I told you I'm fine. You replied that you didn't believe me. I lied again. You believed me._

_I'm so fucked up Ed. I can't remember the last time I took my pills and my sentences are all run ons and no matter how hard I try, I just can't bring myself to eat. It's been so long, my stomach growls constantly, it doesn't matter, though. It's not like anyone will notice. I've been disassociating too. My hands feels so strange, my thoughts are so blank. Maybe it would be better if I just died. Maybe it would be better if I just ended it all. Maybe it would be better. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe._

**_They_ ** _are coming._

_-trick_


	6. Chapter 6

_Ed,_

_You took me out tonight but the moment you saw me you decided we had to go to your house. You sat me down in your living room while I stared at my hands and tried to figure them out and watched myself from the outside and by the time you had finished cleaning the dried blood from my skin you cried while I just stared with wide eyes and_ **_they_ ** _spoke to me._

_I am afraid, Ed. Because the last time someone got as close as you're getting, it was_ **_them_ ** _and I can't let that happen again. No, no, no. People aren't good. People are liars and thieves. I feel their hands like claws. I feel their black eyes boring down at me. I feel their teeth at my skin, biting. I think they are going to kill me. I think they really want me to die, Ed. Do you want me to die?_

_You still haven't let me go home, but that's okay. You said I need to get checked into a mental hospital but I screamed when you said that. I can't leave you. Not yet. You are too much to me. It is dangerous, Ed. You are dangerous._

_-trick_


	7. Chapter 7

_Ed,_

_You asked me last night why I don't want to leave and go to a mental facility and you told me it would help. I told you I just want to try being with you first but if I'm honest. It's nothing like that._

_I don't want to go because if I go, they'll ask me who_ **_they_ ** _are. And if I go, I'll lose you and I'm so afraid of losing you, that I would rather die._

_I don't want to annoy you and make you leave but at the same time, I need you. I need you by my side and I need you to tell me it's okay. It's been so long since I've been close to another and I just really want to touch you or let you hold me or something like we did on that taxi cab but I'm afraid that it would be too much._

_I want to be more but I know you'll leave me. I know I'm too filthy to be loved by you._

_-t_


	8. Chapter 8

_Ed,_

_It's been a month and you still haven't let me leave the house. I guess that's a good thing seeing as everytime I've gotten bad, you've always taken the razors from my hands and told me it's okay and told me I'll be okay. You never say that you know what I'm going through because you don't. Because_ **_they_ ** _haven't found you yet._

_I have not been sleeping well, I get too paranoid that_ **_they_ ** _will find me and take me away. Or worse, take you away. I don't like being in my own head. I don't like it. I just want to be normal like you and I want to kiss you and touch you and be held by you without worrying that you'll leave me if I do._

_I need you so badly, Ed. More than you know._

_-Trick_


	9. Chapter 9

_Ed,_

_You came up to me today after an especially bad episode and sat me down and asked me what's going through my head. I didn't want to reply, because the things that go through my head are terrible, terrible things. I hear monsters and demons who are going to eat me alive and I see_ **_them_ ** _._

_But I decided I would release a little. I was afraid that I would lose you so bad that if I told you everything that went through my crooked mind, you would run for the hills and never return._

_I told you about the disassociation first, about how sometimes everything around me turns into a dream and all I can focus on is my hands, waving so oddly. It's strange. It's hard to describe. I don't know what anybody is saying, I never do but I know it's some sort of defense mechanism. I'm not sure. I think it's my brain's way of protecting me from the memories._

_You asked me what memories, I only shrugged._

_Trick_


	10. Chapter 10

_Ed,_

_Last night you sang me a song. I'm not sure what song but it was beautiful. I was laying against your chest, eyes shut and forehead pressed into your chest. Your ginger beard was tickling my head, your lips were dry and chapped. It was so beautiful. And I was so happy. I don't think I've been that happy for a long time._

_Afterwards, you pulled me to your chest and inhaled deep and we kinda just stared at each other and finally, finally, our heads pulled closer and closer. I still feel your lips on mine. I still feel your hands, big and strong against my weak and frail body. I can feel your tongue tracing my lips but not daring to go any further. You were afraid, Ed. And so was I._

_But I loved it. I really did._

_-Trick_


	11. Chapter 11

_Ed,_

_You kissed me again today and told me how amazing I am and I know you're lying. It hurt when you said that. Because I'm not amazing. I'm not special. I'm not perfect. Jesus fucking Christ, Ed, I have voices screaming in my head and my hands rarely feel like my own. And the slits across my wrists and thighs and body always protest your constant gentle treatment._

_You keep talking about taking me down to New York again, seeing as it's only a twenty minute drive from where you are living with me and I told you I just don't feel like doing that. I don't feel like leaving the house. I don't feel like doing anything more than leave my bed. I feel disgusting, Ed. I feel gross and strange and I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I am sad. I am lonely. I am depressed. I am afraid. I am crazy. I am what my mind has melted me into, and I don't know how to find my way back anymore._

_I can hear you singing in the other room now and I'm trying to get the lyrics down as fast as I can. Because they are about us. And I'm sorry if this paper is covered in my tears, I can't stop them anymore. I love you._

_"Five drinks in on Friday night_   
_We only came to dry your eyes_   
_And get you out of your room_   
_Now this bar has closed its doors_   
_I found my hand is holding yours_   
_Do you wanna go home so soon?_

_"It's just reached the morning_   
_And you're still in my arms_   
_And we've stopped driving_   
_Down the boulevard_   
_And I just kissed you, Darling_   
_I hope you weren't alarmed_   
_It's just the start_   
_Of everything that you want_   
_A new love_   
_In New York."_

_-Trick_


	12. Chapter 12

_Ed,_

_I had a break down today. You came home from work and found me on the floor, screaming for_ **_them_ ** _to go away. I could feel their hands on me again. I could feel them laughing to each other._ **_They_ ** _found me, Ed._ **_They_ ** _found me._

_You yelled for me, or you said you did. I couldn't hear you over their laughter and their moans and sighs. And at some point, it all went black. You said I went into a seizure. I can't remember. Eventually, you just called me an ambulance while I laid there and seized. I remember you screaming for me to wake up. I remember. I remember._

_I woke up in the hospital a while later and they said I need to go see a therapist. Or some specialist. I told them I didn't need to, that I'm fine. But they kept telling me that I wasn't healthy. And eventually I said I needed you. So you came and you talked to them and apparently I'm going to a psychiatrist._

_Thanks. Really. It means a ton._

_-Trick_


	13. Chapter 13

_Ed,_

_I haven't talked to you for a week now, the only time I've even opened my mouth is to talk to my psychiatrist._

_I can't believe you would do that to me. You would just stab me in the back. I told you I don't need a psychiatrist. I'm okay on my own. Honest._

_But you wouldn't understand. You're not the one with Schizophrenia, are you? You aren't the one being hurt and raped by_ **_them_ ** _. You wouldn't understand. Would you?_

_-t_


	14. Chapter 14

_Ed,_

 

_I finally talked to you today. I was sad. I was on a low. And you welcomed me into open eyes. I asked you to protect me from_ **_them_ ** _and you promised you would._

_We kissed again today, we kissed for so long. It never once sped up, you let me set the pace and I set it slow. Somewhere in there, you pulled me off to turn off the lights and light some candles. You took off your shirt and I took off mine and we kissed again. I felt like I was at home for the first time in a few months._

_I think I wanna go back to New York again._

_-Trick_


	15. Chapter 15

_Ed,_

_My psychiatrist put me on some pills for my Schizophrenia and depression and bipolar disorder. We spent a few hours kissing again, but soon enough you ended it to talk to me. You asked me if I'd like to be yours and I said yes. It was amazing. I'm so happy. I'm so, so happy._

_You told me we'll go back to New York soon. I'm so excited._

_-Trick_


	16. Chapter 16

_Ed,_

_We went back to New York, and we rented a hotel and we had sex for the first time._

_I've had sex once with a girl I didn't care about. I was a boy she didn't have time for. And it was sloppy and horrible and I felt kind of sad afterwards._

_But I felt so good last night, you went slow so it wouldn't hurt and you were patient because it was the first time I'd ever had gay sex. You pulled me close and told me how much you loved me and you kissed me until I couldn't stop laughing._

_I was so happy. Thank you_

_-T_


	17. Chapter 17

_Ed,_

_It's been a week since we went back to New York. I've constantly been afraid I'm bothering you. What if you don't really love me? Are my disorders annoying?_

_Today, you held me close and talked to me for about thirty minutes or so. You told me I could never annoy you and I can't help my anxiety or my Schizophrenia or my depression. I kissed across your tattoos afterwards and thanked you._

_We had sex again under candlelight. But it could never compare to New York._

_\- Trick_


	18. Chapter 18

_ed,_

_you left for work even though there's a snowstorm outside. the power's gone out. i can feel_ **_them_ ** _coming for me again. where are you? why haven't you come to take them away? i'm afraid that i'm going to lose you. my chest is tight. i'm so afraid. please come back._

_-trick_


	19. Chapter 19

**_they're_ ** _here._


	20. Chapter 20

"Patrick? Love, you here?"

Ed shuts the door behind him frowning as he takes off his coat and continues to the living room.

That's when he sees it, and the glass bottle of champagne in his hand drops, shattering on the floor.

There Patrick sits, covered in blood and staring up at the ceiling. Ed runs to his side, screaming Patrick's name as he shakes his boyfriend's body. Everything goes numb, his voice goes hoarse, then mute. He doesn't feel the phone, doesn't hear the operator. Only hears his screams.

Patrick is dead and he knows it. And he knows it's all fucking over.

One hour later, they're at the hospital.

A half hour after that?

Patrick is pronounced dead.

And finally, one hour after that. Ed sees the note crumpled on the floor back home.

**_They're_ ** _here._


End file.
